Six Tips For Celebrating Loved Ones

Girls' trips gone sour, fallouts after birthday dinners, and outfit comparison debates — so glad this type of relationships have yet to find me! One thing I am so thankful for is that my people CELEBRATE each other — mmkay! Birthdays are a time of year for us to honor how far we've come, celebrate where we are, and build faith for where we are going. Whether we're planning a surprise, traveling, or pulling up for quality time, we take it seriously.

That also means we tend to do it big!

Q1 is one of the busiest times of year for me, with my most important people celebrating birthdays back-to-back, about two weeks apart. This year, celebrations are full of dinners, foreign trips, and intentional gestures. I won't lie, it can put a lot of stress on my time, my budget, and my mental health, I see why it can be the make-or-break of some relationships.

But that's why I navigated them proactively, not passively.

Even as a woman with big financial and personal goals (who still has to eat and afford a quality of life in midtown Atlanta), I've found that showing up in a meaningful way for my folks is doable every year.

Here are some things I've learned along the way to make celebrating loved ones as peaceful and joyful as possible!

1. Create a birthday/celebration savings. My best friend always says, "My birthday is the same day each year." It's a simple truth, but the implications are obvious: Birthdays should never be an unexpected expense! If you're like me, with birthdays culminating in certain pockets of the year, start putting some money to the side a few months in advance so you aren't coming out of your living expenses when it's time to party.

2. Prioritize your investments: It may sound harsh, but you can't be at (or do) everything! There are factors that should affect how much — and if — you show up to celebrate someone year to year. For me, for instance, milestone celebrations for the people I do life the closest with are at the top of the investment list. Priority also depends on who's called first dibs on my calendar and/or where the event is located.

3. Ask, Listen. THEN, plan: And in that order! A lot of times, we show up how we would want people to show up for us. This will set everyone up for disappointment. Instead, show up in the way THEY would want. This requires you to know the person you're celebrating. If you ask, they will likely tell you exactly what would make their special day special. You may be surprised that their ask may require less from you than you think.

4. Underpromise and over-deliver: The worst thing that can happen is that you disappoint someone on their special day because you committed to something you can't follow through on. Be realistic about what you're willing and able to do, and communicate that early and as often as you need to. Then, if you end up being able to do more, it's a nice surprise and delight.

5. Never make it about you. I have a rule that my feelings, desires, and preferences take a back seat when it is time to celebrate someone I love — especially the week of the celebration. This is because people celebrate themselves differently. Some have a hard time celebrating themselves at all. I personally don't believe celebration time is a time to bring up hard topics, talk about your inconveniences, or take anything personally.

6. Listen to Holy Spirit! John 16:13 days, "When He, the Spirit of truth, has come, He will guide you into all truth; for He will not speak on His own authority, but whatever He hears He will speak; and He will tell you things to come." Of course, in this scripture, Jesus is talking about the Holy Spirit leading us to the knowledge of Him — but, I believe this extends to all truth in wisdom about how to steward our lives well, including our relationships. The Holy Spirit knows what you have, and what your loved ones truly need at special moments in their lives. The Holy Spirit will NEVER steer you wrong in how to show up.

On that note, I pray that if you're reading this, The Lord fills you with wisdom and seed to sow into the relationships in your life, that you may reap in longevity, mutual respect, and mutual support. I pray against the spirit of division, offense, trauma, and loneliness in relationships, and pray for the spirit of health, wealth, and shared power in community.

Let's commit to stewarding our relationships better in all seasons!

Got more tips? Share, share, share in the comments!